Most people avoid confrontation, some people muddle through it, and a handful of people are equipped to address it well. If you happen to be in either of the first two groups, here are some preliminary thoughts to help move you towards that last group.

First, where there are differences, there are divisions. Where there are divisions, confrontation is inevitable. While confrontation feels uncomfortable, it’s very normal and actually necessary for building authentic, healthy relationships.

Second, when you have to tiptoe around certain topics or when there’s not an opportunity to speak the truth in love, the health of relationships often suffers and may be severed. Healthy relationships require open communication. Open communication often requires confrontation.

Third, biblical confrontation is NOT an opportunity to air out every grievance and petty issue you have against someone else. Biblical confrontation is usually reserved for 3 key areas: reestablishing unity, addressing sin, and/or encouraging wisdom.

Fourth, regardless of the reason for the confrontation, Scripture helps us frame out the way we should approach that conversation. According to Scripture…

• We’re told to speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15
• We’re told that our speech is ALWAYS to be gracious as though seasoned with salt. Colossians 4:6
• We’re told to have humility and patience with the faults of others. Ephesians 4:2
• We’re told that love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
• We’re told that pride precedes a fall. Proverbs 16:18
• We’re told that a soft answer turns away wrath. Proverbs 15:1
• We’re told to worry about nothing and pray about everything. Philippians 4:6

We are called to follow these principles at all times—not just in confrontational moments. Following these principles helps ensure that we’re handling things with wisdom. If you try to confront someone without prayer, humility, grace, love, and patience, the situation will often blow up before it even gets started. In that case, you may be right in your reason for confrontation but wrong in your approach to confrontation. Always approach confrontation with biblical principles in mind.